cathartist (cathartist) wrote,


If you do not know who Dan Savage is, do not read his blog or listen to his podcast I am sorry for you. But luckily after reading this excerpt you might be a convert and an addict like me.

According to Wikipedia; "Dan Savage is an author, media pundit, journalist and newspaper editor.Savage is known for penning the internationally syndicated relationship and sex advice column Savage Love. Its tone is frank in its discussion of sexuality, often humorous, and frequently hostile to social conservatives."

This little piece here is why i wholeheartedly love this man and wish there were a million more people living in America just like him. I'll let the words speak for themselves.

(I hate to disagree, Dan, but you missed the mark when you wrote this: “When we marry, we’re signing up to fuck someone at least semi-regularly for decades. Not interested in fucking? Don’t marry.”

Dan, people marry for many, many reasons. Sex is only one of them, and sometimes it isn’t even high on the list—or on the list at all. Family, friendship, stability, love, someone to grow old with, and on and on. Your surprisingly narrow description of what marriage means needs some rethinking.

Thanks for your work,
Cacilda Jethá, MD

I’m willing to concede that I left an important subordinate clause out of the sentence that riled you, Cacilda: “When we marry, we’re signing up to fuck someone at least semi-regularly for decades, among other things…”

Marriage can be about all the things you list, Cacilda, but so long as sexual exclusivity is presumed to be a part of marriage—a defining part, according to the right-wingers—spouses have a right to expect sexual activity within their marriages. People who are interested in marriage but not sex—people whose lists only include family, friendship, stability, love, someone to grow old with, and on and on, but not sex—need to inform their prospective spouses of their disinterest in sex before marrying, not after.

As I’ve said a million times before: If you don’t think that sex is what marriage is all about, mostly about, or even partly about, if sex is something you can live without, that’s grand. But you need to marry someone who feels the same way or inform your betrothed of your disinterest well in advance. And if you lose interest in sex after you marry but want your partner to stick around for the family and stability and friendship and the rest of it, I’ll let you in on a little secret: The spouse is likelier to stick around for that crap if you give the spouse permission to get his or her sexual needs met elsewhere.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people who aren’t interested in sex—who consider sex to be trivial and unimportant—nevertheless deny their frustrated partners permission to do this trivial, unimportant thing with others.)

If you like that one then definitely check out this post too:,23658/

Dan Savage you're my hero.


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